Let me explain.
A few weeks ago, I was turning into a parking lot and didn’t see the ‘no turn’ sign posted near the intersection’s light. I proceeded to make the turn, unaware that I had done anything wrong. It didn’t take much more than a minute to see flashing lights in my rear view mirror, much to my surprise and shock…see to this point, I had never been given a ticket, my record was completely clean!
After finding a safe place to pull over, I frantically searched for my license and registration totally dumb-founded as to what I might have done. While I rolled down my window, the police officer approached the driver-side of my car and asked for the documents that I had searched frantically for. Upon giving them he very mater of factly stated, ‘M’am, you turned despite the no turn sign’ and then walked back to his car.
I was left thinking, what sign? I don’t see it? Is it new? I have been to this parking lot several times and always turned the way that I just did? Really? No, I’m not a criminal, I make good choices, I’m a safe driver, etc. etc..
Several minutes later, the officer returned to the car. He poignantly told me that he had written my offense up as a ticket, that I was GUILTY and that there was no chance of me talking him out of his decision. I didn’t hardly have a chance to ask what I had done, before he pulled away to find his next unassuming driver.
Talk about a joy-buster! The word GUILTY just rang through my ears… ‘Me, guilty!?!, no, I’m not guilty it was an honest mistake, I didn’t see the sign’.
A few days later, unable to shake the feelings that my new ‘criminal-self’ felt, I called the traffic citation office to see if I might be eligible for defensive driving so that my record could remain clean. I’ll admit, there were tears on my end of the line as I tried to explain my case to the woman on the other end of the line. Not knowing how to tend to me, she encouraged me to schedule an appointment with a citation officer at our district court to see if my ticket could be waived as a warning or if I could learn how to drive more defensively while keeping my record clear. Encouraged, I made an appointment and almost forgot the ticket and the entire fiasco…she seemed convinced that I wasn’t guilty, so in my mind, I wasn’t.
All was good and forgotten until this morning, as today as the date of my appointment. This morning I woke up, got the kiddos situated and drove down to the courthouse to wait for my appointed time. I had my ticket in one hand and my ID in the other…just like they told me to do. I’ll admit I did find myself thinking ‘I’m such a good little citizen, they will understand my side of the story, they will erase the ticket and the fine.’
I was one of the first to arrive to the waiting area. It wasn’t long before more people arrived and the clerk raised the window and opened the court for business. She very confidently stated, ‘If you’re here fore a court date, sign in, If you don’t sign in we will write up a warrant!’ Really!?! Did that include me? Well, to be honest, no it didn’t as I was simply there for a traffic citation…but there were people all around me signing in, talking with layers, creating game plans as to what they should say, what they shouldn’t say etc. I honestly felt myself wanting to proclaim ‘Oh, I’m not like these people, I don’t make those kind of choices, I just didn’t see a no turn sign’. My pride was nothing short of pitiful.
As the clock got closer to my appointed time, I felt my stomach sink and churn… I found myself wondering ‘What if this person decides I am truly GUILTY, like the police officer?’ About 3 minutes after my appointed time, I heard my name…I stood up and walked to what I hoped would be a warning and pat on the back for having such a clean driving record, looking back this was entirely pride before the fall.
I was escorted into a cold drab room with a small metal desk and a chair sitting across from it. The man, sat at the desk and pointed to the chair for me…no hand shake, no nod. He then said ‘So what do you want to tell me?’ I’ll be honest, I had rehearsed my little bit and I went into it with polite gusto. He then looked at me and said matter of factly. ‘I know what intersection you were at, in the past people didn't heed the warnings given so now officers only give tickets, they often set up sting operations to catch people’ that was it, no exceptions. He didn’t care that it was a mistake, that my record would be tarnished, that I wasn’t a criminal, that it was an honest mistake, that I wasn’t GUILTY!
And then it hit me…I was. Just like all the other people waiting to have their cases looked at. I was no better. I made a mistake, just like them. I admit, mine might not have been as extreme or dangerous, but it's simple, I broke the law and there are consequences to that.
As I realized this, I found myself desperately wanting the officer to wipe my record clean, for it not to be blemished, to turn back the clock, for the stain to be gone.
It was then that I found myself overwhelmed with gratitude for Jesus, for what He did for me on the cross. See I was guilty, filled with sin and criminal in comparison to the perfection of God Himself (Romans 3:23). And Christ, graciously gave His life on the cross to wipe out all the stains on my record, all my sins and all my guilt to make my record clean and worthy (John 3:16). Because I know Jesus personally, I’m no longer guilty! My record in Heaven is clean…despite my human self. Even though my driving record here on earth is tarnished, I couldn’t be more grateful as I look forward to my ‘clean record’ which will allow me to spend eternity with Christ Himself in Heaven someday.
It’s hard to admit that I am thankful for my ticket. Deep down, my heart still wants to say ‘It was an accident, I am not guilty’. But ultimately in the grand scheme of things this is minor…my eternity is not. I am grateful that the Lord “directs [my] heart into God’s love and Christ’s perseverance” (2 Thessalonians 3:5) and provides little lessons and reminders of what really is important in this life He has given us.
I am sure to make more mistakes…though I don’t intend to miss the no turn sign again…praise God for grace and for Jesus.
Be blessed.
For the record…the officer was gracious and reduced my ticket fine from $128 to $88. I am still guilty, it’s on my driving record…but the $40 reduction was helpful for our monthly budget
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